He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
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Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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