Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
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Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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