dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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