I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize