last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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