My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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