So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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