Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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