Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
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Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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