Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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