Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize