I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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