And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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