Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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