Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize