im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
