Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(585): View more from New York

This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.

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(718): View more from New York

Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!

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(906): View more from Michigan

It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again

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(310): View more from California

My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(352): View more from Florida

Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation

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(845): View more from New York

Make me a sandwich

(301): View more from Maryland

The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.

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(940): View more from Texas

I gave him a BJ in the shower

(940): View more from Texas

I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there

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(317): View more from Indiana

I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".

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