Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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