Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize