Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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