They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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