I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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