Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize