If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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