It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
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Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You are the jesus of drinking
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You are a genius and a whore.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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