I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize