two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize