Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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