I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
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I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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