i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im six kinds of drunk right now
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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