I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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