I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
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chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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