Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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