When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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