Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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