the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize