just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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