whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
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this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
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Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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