pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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