I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize