we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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