I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize