im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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