Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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