I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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