i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize