I wish I could punch you in the face.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
