I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
