So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Use "feeling words"
Yay
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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