i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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