i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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