i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
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I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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