did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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